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| Not being jaded, bitter, hurt it's a lot of hard work...
Today I am not doing well with it all.
I know now.. that there is nothing i can do.
Things in life leave lessons... others just leave scars.
I hope I can learn the lessons without being hurt again.
I hate the scars. For a long time i used to say... the scars won't leave me scared.
Today.. that is a daily fight.
At the end of the day it will make sense.
At least that is what I am told.
I hate feeling this way.
After Christ came into my life it's so hard to feel so strongly hurt, confused and even angry.
All i wanted was peace... all I got was back staved.
I hate this feeling.
Either way... I'll just carry this. I hope not for too long, but i am not guaranteed that.
Your cross to bear...
I get the privilege to play worship tomorrow.
I get the opportunity to share with other talents.
So many things are going on, so many opportunities to still love and care for His people and those that
will come to him eventually. And to love even when there is days in which it feels like my heart is totally under it's real capacity... and altough it's not my favorite way to be reminded of Christ TRUE love for me.
If this is what it takes for my heart to always be thinking about what it's eternal. It is well.
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| This week...
You always hear about the new green pastures growing on lands where the fire scorched the life from a previous green forest.
This week I think i got to see the baby sprouts.
I am excited.
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| Today I had the great opportunity to translate for a vision team for Compassion International. They are here for 4 days as they are considering partnering with Compassion. They are all speakers and people that travel around the US and the world speaking. Please check out Compassion International if you haven't already.
Anyways... One of our stops today was to visit a community project. I got to meet Erick there. Erick is a boy around 11 years old that has some kind of mental dissability as well as being born with an extra finger in his hand. As I saw him interact with the team, with his surroundings, play, communicate, laugh... I felt as maybe I was the one with the dissability. He was so real about his emotions, his gratefulness, his excitment, his passion for life, His understanding of Jesus.
Yes.. maybe He has problems communicating... yet i feel that his non verbals speak a lot louder than my words or the words of the wise, even godgly people.
Thank you Erick. Thank you for serving me and teaching me today.
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| The only thing that is on my head right now is that after a long day of doing lots and reading lots and serving lots and listening to incredible sermons...
All i want is to drop at the feet of my Lord and have quiet intimate moments with Him. No more songs, no more sermons, no more great speakers, no more crazy serving time, no great podcasts....
All i want is a room with not much lights... silence, my Bible and a time to be on the floor enjoying being quiet before my God.
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| I wish I'll be better at updating this thing... Life has been busy and there is a lot of stuff going on.
I am doing well and I am as crazy about my God as ever. Not on the christianesse, religious way but on the way in which you learn to enjoy God in various moments of your day... in which you pray for concrete things based on your desire *that was given by Him anyways* to pursue a deeper more intimate relationship with Him... You fall in your face and you see your sinfulness and you are reminded of His grace and a bigger appreciation for what He did becomes you main reason for devotion. By grace.. not by fear or merit.. You even pray to see things shaken up because you want His name to be great... You pray with great expectation because at the end of the day He is still that Awesome, powerful God of Moses, David and Elijah. You just beg for a second to see that beauty and for your spirtual amnesia not to kick in... so that you won't forget those lessons and what you have seen and experience by the time you close your eyes at night... You end up doing it anyways and the new sunrise brings a new opportunity to fight hard and be comformed more to His image... You mess up yet there is no condemnation on those moments... There is a bigger desire for the day in which this body would not get in the way... the day in glory. All as a gift.
There is so much to do... The gospel saves people *as i saw today* yet needs to be preached to the saved ones already so that it never looses it's impact...
I want to have a gospel saturated life that starts and ends in the cross in which my savior died...
yet never forgetting that He rose... and I will rise too... Not for my glory but to validate the glory of his name.
Night.
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